If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
