it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
