Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Randomize
