4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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