It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I think my vagina is haunted
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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