I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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