i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
