I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
