Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I deserve this hangover.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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