also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Randomize
