I accidentally burped into my bong.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
