I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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