I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
