respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
