I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize