Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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