talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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