i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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