Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
