i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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