Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
