bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
