Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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