I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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