When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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