When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
