HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
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