Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
