JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
