I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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