i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
