Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
