don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize