I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize