watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
