it hurts more in the daytime
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I don't deserve a penis
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize