jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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