super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
