Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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