why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
