I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
