What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize