i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
