i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
