take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize