I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
