I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I could make wine with my vomit
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
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