OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
There r osticjed everywhere
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
