As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
