I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
