We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Dick very happy bro
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
