I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Come on in and take your pants off
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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