I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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