PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize