On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
