My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
