I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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