Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
