his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
