everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
