Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
