im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
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