I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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