Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
me + whiskey = a bad person
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
