I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
