WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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