i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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