At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
No...this little piggys going to the bar
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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