my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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